Hello everyone! Happy Hump Day! I don't know about you, but I've always loved Wednesdays! There's something so thrilling about knowing you've made it to that midway point in the week and that the weekend is fast approaching! This week I've been busy with client edits, vlogs, my kids, and endless to-do list! I'm still trying to get used to my new normal, and I must admit, I'm feeling a little bit like a chicken with my head cut off...BUT I will solider on! Just gotta take it one day at a time with a smile on my face, right?
Speaking of smiles, I have a super fun guest post for you today! Devon Taylor, a fellow 2018 debuting author, is here to give us the lowdown on how to survive when you suddenly find yourself without a pulse a cruising the open sea with other fellow pulseless people!
Life is weird and you just never know. Better to be prepared, right? :) Take it away, Devon!
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE ON A SHIP OF THE DEAD
By Devon Taylor
There’s a great album by a band called Armor For Sleep that was titled What To Do When You Are Dead. Sadly, the band broke up several years ago, but I still remember that album. Not just because it was a great f***ing album, but because the CD came with an actual instruction manual for what to do when you’re dead. I can’t remember now exactly what the instructions were, but I remember the illustrations of a ghost person wandering around their hometown, demonstrating the instructions as they were listed. It was such an awesomely morbid and striking piece of bonus content that at the time I had filed it on my bookshelf, in between a couple of my Stephen King paperbacks. Why did I do this? I honestly don’t know. I was a weird kid.
But now that I’m older and my debut novel, currently titled SOUL SWEEPER, is about a young man who dies and finds himself joining the crew of a colossal seafaring vessel full of dead people called the Harbinger, I thought it might be fun to come up with a list of instructions of my own: What to Do When You Are on a Ship of the Dead. This is a comprehensive list for any average person who finds themselves dead (which is unfortunate) and cruising aboard a ship like the Harbinger.
Here we go:
1. Stay on Board
This one might seem obvious, but you definitely don’t want to try and get off the ship. The waters that the ship travels in go on basically forever. So, there’s really nowhere for you to go. But the waters may also be infested with…less than pleasant creatures.
2. Enjoy the Amenities
Dying is probably not the best thing to happen to you this week, but it’s not all bad either. Ships for the dead have lots of great amenities that make the stress of being dead easier to deal with. In my novel, the Harbinger is equipped with a mess hall that serves three square meals a day, a movie theater that shows all the current releases, a massive library filled with every book ever published among the living (and plenty that haven’t been), and loads of other entertainment to help you retain the normalcy of being alive. It’s almost like a never-ending luxury cruise. Enjoy it!
3. Find the Celebrities
Obviously, there are going to be some prominent people on board with you. Famous musicians, legendary actors, historical figures, great writers. The Brothers Grimm wrote the line, “I am Death, and I make all equal.” Just because these people were celebrities in life doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them now. Seek them out! Pick their brains!
4. Take Up a Hobby
One of the least appealing things about being dead is all the free time you suddenly have. But you can turn that into a positive! Do all the things you didn’t have time to do when you were alive! Learn to play an instrument, read ALL the books, join a knitting circle, taxidermy. Whatever your heart desires.
5. Make Friends
This is in a similar vein as number four. Death can get pretty lonely if you don’t put yourself out there a little bit. There are plenty of other people on board the ship who are feeling the same way you do, who are, for lack of a better phrase, in the same boat. Don’t be afraid to mingle!
6. Join the Crew
In my novel, the crew of the Harbinger are tasked with collecting the souls of the dead and bringing them back, where they can be protected from some of the horrors of the afterlife. You’re part of that crew now. Embrace it. It’s never fun, and it’s always hard. But it’s good, important work. Take pride in it.
7. Don’t Try to Walk Through the Walls
You’re not a ghost. Stuff can still hurt you. Be careful.
And that’s it! Everything you need to know for your life in the afterlife! For more information, follow me on social media and check out my novel when it comes out next year!
Haha! Thank you so much, Devon! This post was just the chuckle-inducing piece of delight I needed to get through this hump day!
Everyone be sure to check out Devon on social media and don't forget to add his book, SOUL SWEEPER, to your Goodreads shelf!
Devon Taylor was born in Las Vegas, Nevada and currently lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and two daughters. His day job consists of sneaking around the house with ninja-like stealth to avoid waking up his kids. When not writing, reading, or tediously typing out text messages with all the correct spelling and punctuation, he spends his time with his family. Soul Sweeper is his debut novel.
Until next time, folks! :)